


your love is like oxygen (i need it to breathe)

by myprodigalson (iAvenge_Nerds)



Series: our love is enough [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Weddings, accept it was in different circumstances, actually its pretty similar to history, and theo gets angsty, but its not even that important to the story tbh, dont worry i'm not cruel enough to make it all angst, its just his wound from his duel with george eacker, kind of, philip gets shot though, theres fluff at the end, what is this, wow since when do I write angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:18:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6234769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iAvenge_Nerds/pseuds/myprodigalson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Philip gets shot and Theo goes through the motions</p>
            </blockquote>





	your love is like oxygen (i need it to breathe)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel to my oneshot "that would be enough" so it would probs be best to read that first but you don't have to
> 
> title based on that line from Moulin Rouge! (you know, the one where obi-wan is describing love) and techinically I think it might be from something else but I just know it from Moulin Rouge because I have watched it four times in the past five days
> 
> disclaimer: I don't own Hamilton :'(
> 
> unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own

“Goodnight my sweet angels,” Theodosia says, placing a kiss on the twins’ foreheads after settling them into their cribs. “Daddy has to work late tonight, but he sends his love for you precious flowers.”

Pippa gurgles quietly, and Theodosia smiles. She looks so much like her father, even at only six months old. The little girl is already starting to speak, and Theo guesses she’ll have her father’s and grandfather’s knack for words. Little Theo, on the other hand, is much more like his mother, from looks to actions. While Philip and Pippa are loud and outgoing, the two Theo’s are much more subdued and quiet.

Whenever family comes to visit (which is practically every day for the Hamilton’s), Pippa is content in the arms of anyone willing to hold her, and starts crying when the attention is off her for too long. Little Theo prefers to stay with people he knows well, and doesn’t mind being away from the party. Theodosia can tell that the two will grow up to be quite different with their personalities. But she can also see that the twins will be attached at the hip, much like her and Philip. Their personalities balance each other out, keeping them ground when they float too high, or lifting them up when they dig down too far.

Thinking of her children’s traits brings Philip to mind, and she can’t help but worry about him. Picturing an extroverted and ambitious Pippa reminds Theodosia of how similar her daughter is to Philip and Alexander. With no doubt, Pippa will get herself into arguments and debates, much like her namesakes, and remembering the arguments Alexander got into, Theo grows nervous for Philip. What if he ends up like his father; getting into fights and duels because of his strong sense of passion? What if this carries over to Pippa?

The troublesome thoughts bounce around in her head until she grows dizzy with anxiety. Theo can’t stand the thought of something bad happening to her fiancé or daughter because they didn’t know how to keep quiet. She doesn’t want them to stop fighting for what they want because she’s scared for them, but she still wants her family to be safe.

Theo’s shaken out of her nervous reverie by her phone buzzing loudly on the change table. Quickly, she rushes into the hall, hoping it didn’t wake the sleeping infants. Checking the caller ID, she sees it’s her future father-in-law. Furrowing her brow, she answers the call.

“Hello?”

“Theo!” Alexander practically cries out.

“Is something wrong?”

She can hear him take a breath, and starts bracing herself for the worst. “It’s Philip. He’s in the hospital. He – he was shot. It wasn’t fatal, but it’s not looking good either. I can explain more in person.”

“I – I’ll be there as soon as I can. Could you get someone to watch the twins? I just put them down . . .”

“I’ll go over myself.”

“No!” Theo protests. “Surely you don’t want to leave Philip’s side.”

“It’s alright, Theodosia. If – if he goes, I’ve made my peace.” His voice cracks and Theo’s already broken heart splinters further. She knows what it’s like to lose a parent, and while it’s terrible, losing a child is worse. If something ever happened to Philippa or Theodosius, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself.

“Oh, Alexander.”

“I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

“Okay, but get someone to drive you. We’re not taking any chances. Eliza can’t afford another heartbreak.”

“I’ll call a cab.” He hangs up with the promise to be there soon, and Theo can’t help the few tears that escape when his voice cracks again.

While she waits for Alexander to arrive, she sits in the nursery, watching her children sleep. They look so innocent, and it just makes Theo want to cry even more. They won’t know the pain of losing their father, since they’re too young to know him. But Theo would rather them know pain and hurt from the cruel world than never know their father.

This gets her thinking of a life without Philip; what it would be like without waking up to his face full of freckles every day, or having no poetry written just for her. She ponders on not having his hand fit perfectly with hers, or his lips on hers. Without Philip, there would be no passion or ambition running rampant through the halls. She’d have no one to share her deep secrets with, or to hold her after a bad day.

But most of all, she thinks of her kids; of them never knowing their father or how wonderful he is. They’d never get to know how much he loves them.

By the time Alexander arrives, Theodosia’s sobbing quietly in the rocking chair, tears streaming down her face. He pulls her to her feet and wraps his arms around her. She cries into his shoulder while he whispers words of comfort in her ear.

“You should go now,” he says when she calms down. “I told the cab driver to wait. Don’t worry about paying. I’ve covered it.”

“Thank you.”

“And when you get there, tell Eliza to get some sleep. She’ll keep herself up all night if someone doesn’t intervene.”

Theo nods. “I will. And the twins should sleep for a few more hours, but if they wake up, just sing them back to sleep, assuming they don’t need a diaper change. They should be up around six, and don’t forget to feed them.”

“I’ve done this seven times. I think I can handle it.”

“Okay. Good. I’m gonna go now. If something happens call me.”

“I will,” Alexander promises. “If you want I can bring them over tomorrow.”

“That would be nice.”

They share one last hug before Theodosia exits the house and gets into the cab. The driver drives away without speaking, and Theo silently thanks him for staying quiet. She’s too broken up to converse, and the only thing on her mind is seeing Philip at least one last time before he dies.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hi, I’m here to see Philip Hamilton,” Theodosia says to the receptionist once she arrives at the hospital.

The woman looks up from her computer with an annoyed look. “Name?”

“Theodosia Burr.”

“How are you related to Mr. Hamilton?”

“Oh, well I’m not. Not yet –“

“Only relatives are allowed to visit him at the moment.”

“But I’m his fiancée!” Theo protests, already exasperated. She just wants to see Philip. What’s so wrong with seeing the man she loves, especially when there’s a chance he could die?

“Family only.”

Sighing in defeat, Theo shuffles to a nearby cluster of uncomfortable hospital chairs. Slumping in her seat, she pulls out her phone to mindlessly scroll through social media. It’s too late to go back home, and she doesn’t want to give up so easily anyways.

Tears prick at her eyes when she unlocks her phone and sees a picture of Philip holding Theo and Pippa at the same time, with a wide grin and smiling eyes.

“Theo?”

Pulling her eyes away from her phone, Theo sees Eliza standing ten feet away. Relief floods through her, because if anyone can get her in to see Philip, it would be his mother.

“Eliza!”

“What are you doing down here?” the older woman inquiries, sitting down beside Theodosia.

“They wouldn’t let me in. Apparently I’m not family.”

“Honey, you gave me my grandbabies. You’re marrying my son. Of course you’re family. Maybe not to the hospital, but you are to us, and I’ll fight them on it, if it comes to that,” Eliza assures her, placing a hand on Theo’s shoulder.

Wiping at her eyes, Theodosia smiles. “Thank you.”

Eliza leads Theo to the elevators, purposefully making a show of it. The look on the receptionist’s face makes both ladies smirk, feeling smug with their accomplishment. It may be a trying time, but Theo will take any victory she can get, no matter how small.

“What happened?” Theo asks in the elevator, breaking the sombre silence. “Alexander never told me.”

“Philip – he was – he was in the library and according to his friends, a man slandered Alexander’s name. Philip, being the man he is, had to defend his father. They ended up outside, arguing loudly, and the man pulled a gun on him. Philip tried to talk him down, but got shot instead. It went through his hip and lodged in his arm. The doctors aren’t sure if – if he’ll last the night.”

“He will. He has to.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Knowing that Philip is lying in a hospital bed, unconscious and in pain, is completely different from witnessing it. Just knowing is terrible. Just knowing means Theo can only picture the scene, imagining tubes sticking into his veins and sweat beading on his forehead. Seeing him lying in a hospital is much worse.

His skin is pale – almost too pale. His curls are flat and sticking to his clammy face. So many more tubes than Theo ever imagined are attached to his arms and chest. The incessant beeps from the heart monitor aren’t hopeful or optimistic; they’re plain dreadful.

The room doesn’t make things any better. The lights drench the room in artificial light that makes everything seem mechanical. Not even the large quantities of flowers scattered across the room makes it look comfortable.

Despite the harsh lighting and heart wrenching sight of her fiancé in a hospital bed, Theo stays by his side the entire night. She sits and talks to Eliza until Theo practically kicks her future mother-in-law out of the room to get some sleep, and she becomes better acquainted with some of Philip’s nurses. If no one else is in the room, she speaks with Philip, and finds the one-sided conversations oddly comforting.

“I realize you probably can’t hear me,” she says to him, “but I can’t just sit by quietly. Not when you might – might --” Theo can’t bring herself to say those dreadful words. She chokes on the first syllable, unable to get the sound past her lips. “Not when there’s a chance I’ll never see you again.” She inhales sharply. Even thinking about it feels like a dagger to the heart. “The doctors say you might not make it through the night. I disagree, but who am I go against a medical professional? I really hope they’re wrong, Philip. I can’t – I can’t lose you. Not now. Not ever, but especially not now. Theo and Pippa need you. Your family needs you. _I_ need you. Don’t leave us. Not now. We can’t live without you.” _I’ll die without you,_ are the unspoken words lingering in the air. “Your love is like oxygen. I need it to breath. And if I lose you, I lose my air. I need you. Our kids need their father. Please Philip. Even if it’s just for them, get better. I beg you. Don’t let them grow up without a father. Please.”

If real life is anything like a romance movie, this would be the point the music would swell and his hand would move or the heart monitor would fade out. Neither of these things happen. Theo supposes she should be lucky nothing happened. It may not mean Philip will live, but he’s not dead, so she counts her blessings.

At some point between her last conversation with Philip and Eliza’s return to the hospital, Theo falls into a fitful sleep. She awakes with a kink in her neck and exhaustion settling into her bones.

“Do they have an update on his condition?” Theo asks Eliza over her heavenly breakfast of an Egg McMuffin (because anything is better than the cafeteria food – even McDonald’s).

Eliza shakes her head, looking at her lap. “I think they’re surprised he made it through the night.”

They sit in silence for a while, reflecting on the events of the past twelve hours. Theodosia can hardly grasp that twelve hours ago, she was putting her children to sleep and waiting for her fiancé to get home. Twelve hours ago, they were all safe and unharmed. Twelve hours ago, her life was completely normal. (Well, relatively normal, because being the nineteen year old daughter of a senator and having two kids with her father’s enemy’s son wasn’t exactly a common scenario.)

It’s even harder to believe that in another twelve hours, she might not have a fiancé.

Before she can start crying at the thought of life without Philip, Alexander waltzes in, Philippa and Theodosius in tow. The sight of her giggling babies brings joy to Theo. Even if she loses Philip, she’ll still have her beautiful children, and that’s more than enough for her. Eliza flocks to her grandchildren, but Theo stays back, just reveling in their presence. Just being in the same room as them is enough to make her forget about the tragedy in her life, even if it’s just for a moment.

Alexander quickly greets his wife, giving her a chaste kiss, before moving towards Theodosia. He hands her a large coffee and a muffin from her favorite café. “Figured you could use a pick-me-up.” He pulls up a chair and sits down beside her. “How’s he doing?”

“The doctors say he’s lucky to have made it through the night. He’s been asleep all night, I think. I passed out for a few hours, so maybe he was awake, but it wouldn’t have been for long. How were my angels?”

“Barely put up a fuss. You’ve got some sweet kids there, Theo.”

“Well they’ve got some pretty good DNA.”

The pair chats for a few minutes while Theo drinks her coffee. When the caffeine kicks in, she takes Pippa and little Theo for a stroll around a park near the hospital while Alexander and Eliza spend time with Philip. She’d much rather stay in his room with him, but she knows staying cooped up in the tiny space won’t do her any favors, and spending time outside with her kids is a good way to distract her mind from the thoughts that would only grow with extra time spent in the room.

The distraction works for a few minutes, but after finding a lonely bench in a quiet part of the park, Theo’s thoughts tread into dangerous territory. Soon, she’s hit with the realization that Philip might actually die. She’s known it the entire time, but it hasn’t felt real until now. It’s not until she thinks about him being gone that the weight of the situation really sinks in.

Their children will never know their father. Alexander and Eliza will lose their son. Angie, Alex Jr, James, John, William, and little Eliza will lose a brother. But worst of all, Theodosia will never get to spend the rest of her life with Philip, like he promised, if he dies.

 _He won’t die,_ the optimistic side of Theo’s brain tells her. _He’ll hold on. For you and Pippa and Theo and the rest of his family._

 _He very well could die,_ thinks the realistic side of her brain. _He got_ shot. _The doctors were surprised he lasted the night. His condition isn’t getting any better._

 _It’s really a fifty-fifty chance,_ says the rational part of her mind. _He hasn’t gotten better, but he’s not getting worse. It could really go either way._

Somehow, the thought doesn’t comfort. If anything, it reminds her of the inevitability of mortality. Everyone dies at some point, and there’s never a second where there isn’t at least some chance of death. Philip could very well die, and she has to face the music. She’s starting to lose hope that he’ll ever make a full recovery, and that doubt is turning into knowledge of his imminent death.

For the second time since being told the news of her fiancé’s hospitalization, Theo finds herself quietly sobbing. On top of being utterly devastated because of Philip’s condition, the stress has taken its toll. Add to that her exhaustion from her fitful night of rest; it’s a recipe for one sobbing mess.

This time, instead of it being Alexander who comforts her, it’s her own father, who happens to be passing through the park on his way to the hospital.

“Just because Alexander and I don’t get along doesn’t mean I can’t visit my future son-in-law in the hospital,” the senator explains after his daughter asks the reason for his trip through the park.

“I’m glad you feel that way, but you know there’s a chance he won’t become your son-in-law.”

“I do, and while it may seem bleak, there’s still hope. And he’s the son of Alexander Hamilton. That bastard has faced more death than any one man should and comes out on the right side each time. One little bullet can’t hurt Philip.”

Her father’s confidence in Philip helps her believe in her fiancé and his perseverance once again. She stops thinking about what could happen and starts reflect on the good times they had together. No one comments on her change in mood, but everyone notices, and her belief in Philip helps change the general feeling in the dreary hospital room. For once, everyone has hope, no matter how bad it looks.

Theo’s new outlook on the situation also seems to help Philip. Day by day, he gets better. He’s conscious more often, and the risk of infection dissipates quickly. His moments of consciousness are few and far between, but they’re there. In some of his better moments, he holds short conversations and dotes on his children. Theo’s smile soon becomes a permanent fixture on her face.

A week later, Philip’s well enough to hold actual conversations that last longer than a few minutes. His strength is returning, and at this point, he just needs rest to help the healing process.

“Let’s get married,” he suggests to Theo one day. His siblings are at school, and his parents at work, so it’s just the two of them plus Pippa and little Theo.

“Isn’t that thought what prompted you to propose six months ago?”

“No, I mean right now. Let’s get married!”

“Like, at this very moment? In a hospital room?”

“I know it seems a little unorthodox, but just – your love is like oxygen. It helped me breathe again. And I never want to lose its source. Also, life and death situations make you realize things, and one thing I realized is that I don’t want to go another second without being married to you.”

“Okay. Let’s get married.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Two hours later, Theo’s in a white sundress, holding a bouquet of flowers originally given to Philip as a get well soon gift, standing behind a tree in the park. Because of her father’s connections, they get to rent out the park for cheap and on short notice. He also convinced the hospital to let Philip out in a wheelchair for an hour while he gets married, on the condition that a nurse attends as well so she could keep an eye on their patient. Theo wouldn’t have cared if the condition had been for them to get married at the bottom of the ocean; they’re getting married, and that’s all that matters.

The music, courtesy of Angie playing a keyboard plugged into a generator, starts up, and James pulls a wagon with Pippa, little Theo, and little Eliza down the aisle. William follows behind, carrying the rings on a pillow. After the gaggle of toddlers makes it down the aisle, the song changes into something slower, and Theo steps out from behind the tree, arm in arm with her father.

Somehow, she makes it to the small arch, where Philip sits in his wheelchair. He’s in a plain white button-up and a pair of dress pants that most likely belong to his dad, but Theo doesn’t care. She’s not exactly dressed for the occasion either.

“Dearly beloved – and Aaron Burr – we are gathered here today to witness the joining of Philip Hamilton and Theodosia Burr in holy matrimony,” Alexander starts, rolling his eyes when he mentions Theo’s father. “I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say here, so why don’t you just do the vows?”

“Who talks first? Do you talk first? Do I talk first?” Theo asks after a few seconds of silence.

“You go first. I don’t wanna set the bar too high.”

“Well we can’t all be poets, now can we?” Theo takes a deep breath, centering herself, before taking Philip’s hands in hers and starting her vows. “Philip. I honestly have no idea what to say. I have never been able to put my love for you into words like you have. I try to write how I feel, but all that comes out is a jumble of words that don’t make any sense. But that’s love. It’s a bunch of feelings bouncing around inside your heart that you can’t understand. It confuses your mind, makes you stay awake for many nights just wondering why you feel like this. I have spent many sleepless nights just contemplating you and your existence; contemplating why I feel this indescribable surge of emotion whenever I’m around you. I may never find out, but that’s okay. Because I’ll get to spend the rest of my life with you, trying to discover the answer. And that’s all I could ever hope for.” She can feel tears welling up in her eyes, and curses herself for being so damn emotional. Things don’t get any better when Philip says his vows.

“Theo. My Theo. I have written thousands of poems about you and the love I have for you, but none do justice to how I feel. No words on a page can capture the emotions I feel for you. There aren’t enough words in the universe to describe my feelings for you. I could spend the rest of my life writing and never get it right. But maybe since I can’t tell you, I can show you.” Slowly, Philip pushes himself out of his wheelchair until he’s standing upright in front of Theodosia. He pulls her close and kisses her deeply. It’s electrifying. She can feel it pulse through her veins like a bolt of lightning. Her body surges with energy. The electricity thrums deep in her bones. It’s unlike any kiss they’ve shared before.

When he pulls away, she can’t help the little “wow” that escapes her mouth.

“I am truly, madly, deeply in love with you, Theodosia Burr, and I really hope that kiss showed it.”

“Oh, it did.”

“With the vows complete, we will move on to the exchanging of the rings. Both of you repeat after me. With this ring . . .”

“With this ring . . .”

“I thee wed.”

“I thee wed.”

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Philip pulls Theo close once again, but steps on a loose pebble and falls into his wheelchair, pulling Theo down with him.

“Not so smooth now,” she teases.

“Baby, I’m as smooth as peanut butter.”

“Yeah, chunky peanut butter.”

“I am offended! How dare my wife treat me like this?!”

“Oh just shut up and kiss me.”

**Author's Note:**

> so I know his recovery seems unrealistic but I hate writing angst and injuries so it just magically got better
> 
> also yes I included a line from the Force Awakens. I'm a hugeass star wars nerd. sue me.
> 
> and I slipped some Hamilton references in too because what else are you supposed to do with a Hamilton fic


End file.
